OK, let’s see what we have here. Whoa, get a load of that. What size is she, did she say a medium? I think she’s a medium. I sure hope so because if I get it wrong, I’m screwed. Too large and she’s insulted, too small and she thinks I want her to lose weight. Geeze! Thirty dollars for a scrap of fabric held together by a prayer and some glittery thread? What the hell do you do with this? What do you even call that color, gunmetal? See this I like, but she might think it’s too slutty. I don’t want her to think I’m going for slutty, but if I get something too conservative she might think it’s boring. Should I get a saleswoman? I should get a sales woman. No, no. If I get a saleswoman she’ll railroad me into buying like five hundred dollars worth of lingerie that for all I know will never get worn. Oh, $#!% here comes one now. Maybe I should just get a gift certificate…